Kompleks Sukan, UTeM, Melaka | 27 April 2018

Assalamualaikum!
Is it too late to wish Happy Fasting to everyone? Hehehe selamat berpuasa semua!! May our Ramadhan this year is filled with barakah and may we all get to use this chance to strengthen our iman and stay istiqamah to do the ibadah. Amiin!!

       I've been wanting to write on this topic for quite a few times, but my laziness got in between so,,,, yeah hahaha. What makes me want to write on this topic again is because recently UPU result for SPM leavers came out, and I've been seeing tweets regarding the results they get- which, reminds me of this repetitive story on how I ended up taking Diploma in ICT in UTeM.

       I told this story to basically everyone close to me. This course is my 11th choice out of 12 given. Itu pun, aku actually letak ICT ni sebab ni macam course yang aku boleh bawak kot compared to science-related course like engineering, etc although I was a science stream student. My original ambition was to be an English teacher as I love the subject and my sister is an English teacher too so watching her kinda inspire me. But then last minute suddenly I nak jadi cikgu tadika. I pun tak tahu kenapa 😂 So basically, I was contemplating between those two lah. So my UPU application focused on those two, and selebihnya yang nak isi ruang-ruang kosong tu, I filled in with ICT-related course. Oh, ada jugak selit course masscomm for fun, went to the interview but I didn't do well so I didn't put my hope high. Although I am very interested to pursue in masscomm just because the campus is in Melaka.

       Even with no high hope, I did think of the possibility of me passing that interview kan so I sukalah kalau dapat belajar dekat Melaka sebab I lived in Johor, born there, grow up there, until I was 14 before I moved to Kuantan. My point is, while I'm in Johor, my family always go to Melaka so I thought that it would be nostalgic to go back to Melaka to study. Long story short, when the UPU result came out, I was so confused because I don't even remember applying for Diploma in ICT?!?!?! And then it hits me, "Oh, ni course aku letak nak isi tempat kosong tu,". But I think I am not as disappointed considering the fact that being a teacher is the only profession I ever dreamed of when I was 15-17 years old. I'm more 'okay' than I thought with what I get. Turns out there's a lot of my classmate who didn't even get any offer for UPU so I'm even more thankful to get one. Although I have no idea where this course will take me in the future, I'm happy with the fact that it's in Melaka!

       3 years of diploma, it wasn't my best performance I would say. I think I can do better if I try harder, but, it was bearable and survivable, thanks to my family and friends. And along the way of learning a course I truly had no pure intention of getting accepted, along the way of learning the "fill-in-the-UPU-blank" course, I found what I truly want to do for life.

       I've always known this- I am a bad teacher. I can't express what I understand in a way that can help others to understand. Even in high school, I'm not the kind of student that you can refer to or ask questions because I honestly, don't know. I think I understand, but I'm always not sure enough to teach others. But by studying before exam, I ended up scoring my exam fairly well. I am aware at the fact that I can't teach for anyone's sake, but I was in denial. Because at that time I only see 'teacher' as my ambition. My world at that time was so so small, so I was stuck there. And somehow, I also realize that I'm bad with kids. I, honestly, only like kind kids hahaha. I don't like the annoying ones. I'm quite hot-tempered too. So, along the 3 years of learning this leftover course, along the 3 years of finding what I think I have passion in, I realize that I am truly not made for my previous ambitions.

        Now, here is where the dependence part comes on. That was a looong intro, right? Hahahaha. So as I've mention a looot of time in my previous post, I decided to take a break after diploma and apply for UPU instead for degree. It's a lie if I say I don't feel anything seeing my friends and batchmates pursuing for their degree already. Okay, a little promo for my boys, there's 2 songs that give me a lot of strength- My Pace and Grow Up by Stray Kids. Do check them out on Youtube hehehehe. Check the lyrics, it fits well with my concern so I really relate a lot to it. Moving on, I filled in the UPU application with what I want to pursue, all of them are ICT-related. 18 years-old me would be shook if she know this hahahaha. I do stress and think a lot in choosing the option but this time I'm more concerned on the location instead. Either close to home or close to my other friends 😂 I prioritize home though because I only have one option for that. Anyways, after sending the application, I feel at ease. I don't have an exact wish on my UPU result, I just hope I get one, anywhere, I don't feel like it matters anymore.

Because I've seen it- I've seen how God gives me the 11th choice out of 12 that I had, and that choice ended up making me discover myself. Makes me realizes that what you want doesn't necessarily be the best for you, and what you don't want doesn't necessarily mean it's bad for you. I've seen how God gives me what the best for me, so this time, too, I'll depend on Him. I know, He knows the best.

       The dependence leads to the sense of security. Even if didn't get my first choice or any choice at all, I know, I'm sure, I believe, I will find the hikmah sooner or later. Cliche, but there's always a reason behind why something happen. I'm not saying I'm always happy during my 3 years of diploma. I had my fair share of breakdowns too, especially the last two semesters. So what I mean by the best is not the-always-sunshine-and-rainbow kind of best, it's the I-went-through-a-lot-and-from-it-I-also-learnt-a-lot kind of best. So, whatever you're going through in life, believe me, you will be thankful of it, sooner or later.

So that's all I guess. Assalamualaikum 😊

“Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.” (QS. Al Baqarah: 216)

MITC, Melaka | 10 Jun 2017

Why must I decide about tomorrow, today?
How should I know what tomorrow will bring?
My path and dreams are fading
---
Again today, there are questions that I don't know the answer
I'm trying to answer, but I'm not confident
Is it this way, or is it that way?
I'm slowly becoming afraid of my decision
Tomorrow, Today- JJ Project

Assalamualaikum and Hi!
It's been a while on here, and I MISS BLOGGING SO MUCH! Acah je hahahaha. Rasa macam sem ni tak se-hectic sem lepas, a few subjek habis kelas awal, tapi macam tak pernah ada masa nak betul-betul duduk and blogging. Rasanya sebab sem ni semua benda lebih tersusun, macam sem-sem lepas, tengah-tengah sem tak busy, tapi minggu 13-14 tu busy nak mamp0s. Meanwhile sem ni by week 13 almost every quiz, labtest dah settle, tinggal ada satu subjek je kot camtu tak settle. Tak kisahlah semua tu kan, yang penting sem ni aku banyak gila tidur hahahaha.

       Masa untuk ayat cliche, sedar tak sedar,pejam celik pejam celik, dah nak masuk 2018. Seriously, kalau tanya aku sekali imbas apa aku dah buat tahun ni, aku pun tak tahulah. Oleh itu (cewah), dengan adanya entry ni, aku nak imbas berkali-kali apa yang aku buat tahun ni.

       First of all, 2017 has been such a hell of roller coaster ride, and I'm not even kidding. 2017 is definitely a year to remember as it has re-shape me as a person. It has also been a year of lessons. I do learn lots of lesson and it does affect me which something that I'm glad because it means aku dah realize lah kan apa salah silap aku, and in a way I'm trying my best to improve as a person. So, this year... Hmmm, got my heart broken (for the first time evah), and then broke someone's heart(lol), and currently signing up myself for another heartbreak hahaha. Tak serik tu, tapi I've been more careful this time, and lesson learnt- do not put your hope too high on anything, and anyone. Ni ayat berkias. Ayat direct straight to the point nya KO JANGAN CAYE LAKI SWEET TALKER NI YE YE PANGGIL SAYANG LAYAN BAIK TAPI LAST LAST HARAPAN PALSU KO BOLEH GI TERJUN TASIK UTeM!!

Hahahahaha gurau je.

       This year, I've lost a very dear friend of mine, arwah Wahida, and a very close uncle, arwah Pakndak. It hits me real hard, to be honest, especially arwah Wahida. Seminggu lepas pemergian dia pun I still cry at night. I can't believe I'm already at the age of losing a friend of the same age, and I just can't believe she's... not here anymore. Masa tu aku tengah cuti sem, tak sempat nak tengok muka dia for the last time, tapi Alhamdulillah dapat hantar dia till the very last moment. She's such a nice friend, sumpah. I've said this on twitter, tapi aku selalu kacau dia, tenung je dia sampai dia sorok muka guna literally everything dia boleh capai, pastu dia je kata muka aku macam Song Jihyo ahahahahahahahahahahhaha hmm, lepas tu dia selalu seronok kalau Shida tak datang so dia boleh duduk sebelah aku. And a lot more memories that I don't even realize we actually shared quite a lot together. But she's in a better place now, no more pain for her and it does make me feel better at that thought. Kita pun entah bila tiba masanya kan? Al Fatihah, Nurul Wahida binti Zainal.

      Arwah Pakndak pulak, God, he's really a good guy. Which is probably why Allah takes them first. Pakcik yang paling rapat belah ayah aku, dia la yang memang rapat sangat since kecik lagi. Dia panggil aku 'beliau' sebab siapa baca majalah Ujang dia tahu lah ada sekor lembu ni dipanggil 'beliau' so he basically calls me a cow hahahaha. Lepastu dia berniaga burger dekat pasar malam, jual RM1 je. AND coconut shake dia sedap gilaaaaa!! Kalah Melaka punya Klebang ke, Batu Berendam ke, nothing can top his coconut shake! Dah lama tak rasa, dah bertahun dah. And dah takkan dapat rasa dah lepasni :')  AND NASI BERIANI DIA TERBAIK WA CAKAP LU. Lapar pulak hmm. Oh and selain tu sejak aku belajar dekat Melaka dia selalu la asal jumpa aku je sebut "merecik hawau" hahahaha. Hmm, rindu sangat. Sangat. Minta jasa baik korang doakan untuk 3 orang anak dan balu arwah, doakan mereka dipermudahkan urusan dan dimurahkan rezeki ya. Terima kasih sangat-sangat. Al Fatihah, Mokhtar bin Abd Majid.

      On the other note, I'm also proud of myself on quite a few things I did this year. First of all, ok ingat tak heartbreak tu sorry la asyik mention je, IT WAS MY FIRST HEARTBREAK uwu poor my weak heart. Okay actually la I break my own heart even before it gets broken hahahaha. Sebelum orang tinggalkan aku baik aku yang tinggalkan dia supaya ada lagi secebis maruah seorang Zahidah yang egois yang berjaya diselamatkan. Of course la after I noticed the other side cam hmmm tak ada effort pun, maka kita kena sedar diri ya anak-anak. Orang tak nak takpe, takyah terhegeh-hegeh! Walaupun dia cam perfect, I like everything about him huhu. BUT! Remember this, S-E-L-F W-O-R-T-H. He, or she might worth it, but darling YOU WORTH MORE. Ingat tu.

So I left him la and he comes back cari me after some time la and I tunjuk tak berminat la boleh bla la.

And he stop chasing la I sedih jugak la tapi takpe la maybe wrong time la ada jodoh ada la.

       So untuk mengubati hati yang lara ini aku start belajar handlettering, here's the entry if you wanna read 👉 clickbait . It does help me to change my focus, instead of 24/7 wondering whyyyyyyyy my (almost) relationship didn't work out whyyyyy tak lawa ke aku ni tak cukup kelakar ke aku ni, I start to wonder WHY AM I SO TALENTLESS SMH FML. Tapi lepastu jangan down pulak, usaha lagi to make yourself better! Lepastu hmm cara aku berfikir pun dah berubah jugaklah somehow, dah jadi makin positif, mungkin berkat selalu cari positive quotes untuk di-handletter-kan hahaha. Since I'm not the one who reti nak make up, nak berfesyen tu minat je tapi duit takde, so aku macam takde passion on anything. So macam nak release stress dengan shopping pun, tak tahu nak shopping apa. Tapi sejak berjinak (sumpah aku tertypo berjimak tadi astaghfirullah!!) dengan handlettering ni, rasa seronok walaupun masuk Mydin tengok section watercolour. Walaupun dah ada, tak beli pun, tapi rasa macam satu kepuasan and happy tengok benda-benda tu semua. Ala korang faham kan maksud aku? Ke tak faham? Buat-buat la faham okay sapot lokal #tetiba.

       AND!!! Pencapaian yang boleh kata terbesar aku tahun ini ialah jeng jeng jeng, I SUCCESSFULLY DID BULLET JOURNALING! It's my first time, and sumpah dari January sampai May, bujo aku noob gila hahahaha. Strating from June onwards barulah boleh dikatakan membanggakan lah bujo aku tu hahaha. Best tau buat bullet journal, ni pun antara benda yang distract aku daripada heartbreak. It's one of the way I release my stress too, walaupun kalau nak ikutkan stress apalah sangat aku ni belajar pun main-main hahahaha. It's the charm of doing something you love, I guess. Penat mana pun kalau buat benda yang kita suka daripada nak tidur tak jadi tidur. I'm happy because I finally found something that makes me happy. Nanti, tak tahu lah bila, but nanti, I might do an entry on how to bujo, but in a cheap way, for a cheapskate. (vocab credit from Amelynn lol).

Okay so what I benefit from bujo-ing this whole year is first, release stress. Second, rasa cam ada life hahaha. Third, you can write down memorable things you did! I mean, yeah of course you have blog and all tapi alaa blog takes too much time, for me la. Seronok tauuu bila kawan kau cam throwback balik something yang korang buat sama-sama and kau actually boleh selak balik kau punya bujo and have the exact date when it happened. Kena cuba rasa that feeling- sooooo satisfying rasa cam oh tersusunnya hidup ini hahaha. Forthly, lebih organized. I wrote down my to-do list, checked apa yang dah buat apa yang belum, apa yang nak beli, harga dia berapa lepas survey dekat situ, sini, then compare. Fifth, satisfying- sebab kau boleh decorate each page tu dengan apa theme kau suka. Nak theme pastel ke black & white ke nak theme Go Green pun boleh. Best laaaaaaa faham kan best? Hahahaha.

 And in my opinion bujo does help to improve my mental health, sebab it kind of like a diary for me sebab instead of planning, aku lebih kepada jot down apa aku dah buat, apa aku rasa. Macam, kalau kau bengang dengan someone ke kau tulis je dalam bujo tu. Nak certa dekat orang aku faham sekarang ni banyak backstabber, ramai tak boleh dipercayai and so on, so daripada kau simpan, baik kau luahkan dekat bujo kau. Tak kisah la nak buat bentuk point ke peta minda ke essay ke, as long as you let things go. Also helps you daripada simpan dendam. And kalau perempuan kan katakan la that day pakwe kau main game sampai tak layan kau, haa tulis dalam bujo nanti 10 tahun akan datang kau ungkit. "You ingat tak dulu 15 May 2017 you tak reply whatsapp I 3 jam sebab main game?" Kalau dia tanya mana bukti, haa kau ada bukti. Pastu suruh dia belanja makan okay hahahaha. Berguna tak berguna bujo ni? 😂

        So, basically, that was my 2017. It was about how I break, and how I found myself again- but a better version. Doesn't matter how many new things you tried, how many new people you meet, how many times you cried, even with the tiniest thing changed about you, as long as it makes you a better you, then it's alright. Your progress might be different from others', your way of fixing the broken you may be different from me, but as long as you're healed, you're happy with yourself, then you should be proud. Don't be too hard on yourself, take your time, don't mind your pace but what matters is you keep moving forward. And yang paling penting, REALIZE YOUR SELF WORTH PLEASE tu je mami mintak 😭

        Let's hope for a delightful 2018. Even if it'll be hard, let's have strength to overcome every obstacle!!! Happy new year everyone, thank you for reading my 'ugh' blog, yang bahasa rojak melayu english rempitz ni hahaha. Thank you for everything! Comments dari korang semua warga blogger pun banyak buat aku happy, serius. Cayunk u guys so much 💓

Hopefully 2018 Zahidah dah boleh la tinggalkan bahasa rempitz hahaha.

Thank you 2017, you'll be remembered :')

Bye, Assalamualaikum 😊

And I'm 20 next year like seriously??!?!?!?!?!?!!!!?!

Kampus Induk UTeM | 20 Feb 2017

"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted" - John Lennon

Hahahaha 😆 Lagipun, anggap je lah aku study Web Programming sambil edit layout blog ni hewhew.

Btw, how does the new look looks? Move on dari theme pastel, aku ganti dengan theme Hologram pulak. Tapi dari segi warna, I don't think ada banyak beza pun dengan theme pastel. Niat asalnya nak stick dengan pastel, just nak tukar header macam header sekarang. Masa cari-cari gambar pastel dekat weheartit, jumpa gambar-gambar homographic, so terrrrinsipired dari situ lah. Daripada nak tukar header je, dah terrrrrrrrtukar almost semua benda.

Also, thank you so muchhhh guys yang bagi kata-kata semangat and motivasi on previous entry!! 💗And... look at dat cute airplane when you hover over the blockquote!!!! Comel!!!!!!!!!

[31] And Paradise will be brought near to the righteous, not far  

[32] (It will be said), "This is what you were promised - for every returner (to Allah ) and keeper (of His covenant)

[33] Who feared the Most Merciful unseen and came with a heart returning (in repentance).

[34] Enter it in peace. This is the Day of Eternity."

[35] They will have whatever they wish therein, and with Us is more.

Alhamdulillah for the constant reminder. 

16 Feb 2017

Assalamualaikum!
Kali ni, nak post something lain  sikit dari beshe beshe. Iftar Jam'ie ni ialah satu term  untuk berbuka puasa beramai-ramai. Ceritanya, kak Syida ajak berbuka puasa dengan dia sekali, tapi aku tak boleh puasa pun, segan lah jugak kan. Tapi dia kata takpe, anggap je lah macam dinner sama-sama. Aku pun okay je lah, sebab aku tahu, biasanya bukan setakat makan, tapi ada bonus yang lagi mahal dari makan tu.

So dalam pukul 6:45 tu kak Syida sampai Lestari (kolej kediaman aku) dengan ada dua org lagi sistur, Ila dengan Ina nama dia. Aku tak kenal sebab diorang berdua student degree fakulti lain, dan kalau fakulti aku pun memang fitrah seorang Zahidah ni akan tak kenal sebab jenis susah nak ingat muka dengan nama orang 😅 Sampai rumah kak Syida, ramai lagi ada dekat situ, so kami berkenal-kenalan lah.

Masuk waktu maghrib, makan!! Uniknya, kak Syida and the gang (housemates dia) kalau buat makan-makan dekat rumah dia ni memang akan hidangkan nasi dengan lauk selonggok atas dulang, makan lah 4-5 orang dari dulang yang sama. Nak mengeratkan silaturrahim kot hahaha. Tapi okay je, seronoklah jugak sebab bukan hari-hari makan dalam dulang kan? Menu hari tu nasi putih, ayam masak kurma, sayur kubis goreng dengan telur dadar. Makan-makan, then solat maghrib, baru lah masuk part bonus macam yang aku sebut awal tadi.

Bonus tersebut ialah sharing.

Sharing ni macam usrah lah, tapi taknak nama skema katanya (lol), so kami panggil sharing. Tak kisahlah kan nama apa pun, yang penting matlamatnya sama dan sampai.

Aku tak kira exactly ada berapa orang, lebih kurang 20 kot? Kitorang semua duduk satu bulatan dalam bilik tu. Before start sharing tu, ada main satu game ni, macam music box eh nama dia? Yang pass-pass kotak then music berhenti dekat someone, and someone tu kena jawab soalan. Macam tu lah. Bila kotak berhenti, firstly kena perkenalkan orang di sebelah kanan, then baru ambik soalan dalam kotak tu, and kena jawab berdasarkan orang di sebelah kiri. Contohnya soalan "Apa makanan kegemarannya?" and kita tekalah apa orang sebelah kiri kita suka makan. Kalau betul, dapatlah hadiah. Gitewww. Memandangkan kebanyakkan yang dalam bilik tu baru jumpa harini, so bestlah dapat kenal each other, and kelakarlah bila ada yang dah kenal pun tak dapat jawab soalan tu.

So... apa pointnya game ni?

Memula aku fikir gak, sebab biasanya lepas solat terus masuk sesi tazkirah. Ni ada main game pulak. Then, kak Syida terangkan. Point game ni bukan setakat suka-suka nak kenal-kenal, dapat hadiah, tapi nak highlight the point yang tak kiralah berapa lama pun kita kenal orang-orang di sekeliling kita ni, masih banyak benda yang kita tak tahu pasal diorang. Kita cuma tahu apa yang dia bagitahu kita. Contohnya, kita tak tahu masalah yang dia sorok dari kita, dll. Tapi, kita ada Allah swt yang tahu semua tentang kita, walaupun kita tak bagitahu. Dia tahu semua yang kita rasa, yang kita sorok dari orang lain, semua dia tahu.

Itu, satu. Lepastu, barulah mula sesi sharing yang sebenarnya, iaitu tajuk pasal syurga. Nak taip panjang-panjang pasal semua, aku pun tak berapa ingat, tapi ada satu soalan dari sorang sistur ni, nama dia Najiha, yang macam simple, tapi aku tak dapat nak figure out jawapan dia.

"Kan dekat syurga nanti apa kita nak, kita boleh dapat kan? Habis tu apa beza 7 peringkat syurga tu?"

And jawapan dia, pada aku sangatttttt menarik, sebab tu aku rasa nak share dekat blog ni.

Macam yang semua tahu, syurga ada 7 peringkat, and yang paling tinggi sekali namanya syurga Firdaus. Syurga Firdaus tu paling tinggi, dan jugak paling dekat dengan arasy Allah, sekali gus, paling dekat dengan Allah. Lepastu, kalau baca Quran, banyak ditekankan pasal sungai  bila describe pasal syurga. Anologinya, kalau pergi mandi air terjun, kalau kita pergi bahagian atas, kan tak ramai yang dah usik air tu, tapi kalau kita pergi dekat bawah, kita dapat air yang mengalir dari atas, yang dah ada orang mandi-mandi lah kan (tak campur lagi yang kencing masa mandi tu hahahaha). Jadi nak kata, bila kita dekat syurga Firdaus, air sungai yang mengalir tu datangnya direct dari Arasy Allah. Meanwhile, yang di syurga lebih bawah pula air sungai yang dah diusik oleh penghuni syurga tingkat yang lebih tinggi. Macam tu lah analoginya.

Lepastu, penghuni syurga tertinggi iaitu syurga Firdaus tadi tu, dapat jenguk dan turun, macam jalan-jalan lah dekat syurga di bawah, tapi, penghuni syurga yang dekat bawah takkan dapat naik dan tengok macam mana rupa syurga yang lebih tinggi tingkatnya. Analoginya, kalau yang mampu menginap dekat hotel 5 bintang, mestilah mampu nak menginap hotel 2 bintang. Tapi yang mampu hotel 2 bintang, takkan dapat nikmat yang sama macam duduk hotel 5 bintang.

Jadi, kita sebagai hamba ni, bila berdoa, doalah agar kita ditempatkan di syurga Firdaus.

Sorry kalau cara aku cerita jadi tak menarik hahahahaha aku memang sumpah fail bab-bab bercerita ni 😂 Ini apa yang aku dapat dari sharing semalam, kalau ada salah tolong betulkan ya 😀

Semoga kita semua lebih bersemangat mengejar syurga!

Assalamualaikum 😊

Sometimes we all need a little reminder.

No matter what happens in life, remember this :)