Assalamualaikum and Hi!
It's been a while on here, and I MISS BLOGGING SO MUCH! Acah je hahahaha. Rasa macam sem ni tak se-hectic sem lepas, a few subjek habis kelas awal, tapi macam tak pernah ada masa nak betul-betul duduk and blogging. Rasanya sebab sem ni semua benda lebih tersusun, macam sem-sem lepas, tengah-tengah sem tak busy, tapi minggu 13-14 tu busy nak mamp0s. Meanwhile sem ni by week 13 almost every quiz, labtest dah settle, tinggal ada satu subjek je kot camtu tak settle. Tak kisahlah semua tu kan, yang penting sem ni aku banyak gila tidur hahahaha.

       Masa untuk ayat cliche, sedar tak sedar,pejam celik pejam celik, dah nak masuk 2018. Seriously, kalau tanya aku sekali imbas apa aku dah buat tahun ni, aku pun tak tahulah. Oleh itu (cewah), dengan adanya entry ni, aku nak imbas berkali-kali apa yang aku buat tahun ni.

       First of all, 2017 has been such a hell of roller coaster ride, and I'm not even kidding. 2017 is definitely a year to remember as it has re-shape me as a person. It has also been a year of lessons. I do learn lots of lesson and it does affect me which something that I'm glad because it means aku dah realize lah kan apa salah silap aku, and in a way I'm trying my best to improve as a person. So, this year... Hmmm, got my heart broken (for the first time evah), and then broke someone's heart(lol), and currently signing up myself for another heartbreak hahaha. Tak serik tu, tapi I've been more careful this time, and lesson learnt- do not put your hope too high on anything, and anyone. Ni ayat berkias. Ayat direct straight to the point nya KO JANGAN CAYE LAKI SWEET TALKER NI YE YE PANGGIL SAYANG LAYAN BAIK TAPI LAST LAST HARAPAN PALSU KO BOLEH GI TERJUN TASIK UTeM!!

Hahahahaha gurau je.

       This year, I've lost a very dear friend of mine, arwah Wahida, and a very close uncle, arwah Pakndak. It hits me real hard, to be honest, especially arwah Wahida. Seminggu lepas pemergian dia pun I still cry at night. I can't believe I'm already at the age of losing a friend of the same age, and I just can't believe she's... not here anymore. Masa tu aku tengah cuti sem, tak sempat nak tengok muka dia for the last time, tapi Alhamdulillah dapat hantar dia till the very last moment. She's such a nice friend, sumpah. I've said this on twitter, tapi aku selalu kacau dia, tenung je dia sampai dia sorok muka guna literally everything dia boleh capai, pastu dia je kata muka aku macam Song Jihyo ahahahahahahahahahahhaha hmm, lepas tu dia selalu seronok kalau Shida tak datang so dia boleh duduk sebelah aku. And a lot more memories that I don't even realize we actually shared quite a lot together. But she's in a better place now, no more pain for her and it does make me feel better at that thought. Kita pun entah bila tiba masanya kan? Al Fatihah, Nurul Wahida binti Zainal.

      Arwah Pakndak pulak, God, he's really a good guy. Which is probably why Allah takes them first. Pakcik yang paling rapat belah ayah aku, dia la yang memang rapat sangat since kecik lagi. Dia panggil aku 'beliau' sebab siapa baca majalah Ujang dia tahu lah ada sekor lembu ni dipanggil 'beliau' so he basically calls me a cow hahahaha. Lepastu dia berniaga burger dekat pasar malam, jual RM1 je. AND coconut shake dia sedap gilaaaaa!! Kalah Melaka punya Klebang ke, Batu Berendam ke, nothing can top his coconut shake! Dah lama tak rasa, dah bertahun dah. And dah takkan dapat rasa dah lepasni :')  AND NASI BERIANI DIA TERBAIK WA CAKAP LU. Lapar pulak hmm. Oh and selain tu sejak aku belajar dekat Melaka dia selalu la asal jumpa aku je sebut "merecik hawau" hahahaha. Hmm, rindu sangat. Sangat. Minta jasa baik korang doakan untuk 3 orang anak dan balu arwah, doakan mereka dipermudahkan urusan dan dimurahkan rezeki ya. Terima kasih sangat-sangat. Al Fatihah, Mokhtar bin Abd Majid.

      On the other note, I'm also proud of myself on quite a few things I did this year. First of all, ok ingat tak heartbreak tu sorry la asyik mention je, IT WAS MY FIRST HEARTBREAK uwu poor my weak heart. Okay actually la I break my own heart even before it gets broken hahahaha. Sebelum orang tinggalkan aku baik aku yang tinggalkan dia supaya ada lagi secebis maruah seorang Zahidah yang egois yang berjaya diselamatkan. Of course la after I noticed the other side cam hmmm tak ada effort pun, maka kita kena sedar diri ya anak-anak. Orang tak nak takpe, takyah terhegeh-hegeh! Walaupun dia cam perfect, I like everything about him huhu. BUT! Remember this, S-E-L-F W-O-R-T-H. He, or she might worth it, but darling YOU WORTH MORE. Ingat tu.

So I left him la and he comes back cari me after some time la and I tunjuk tak berminat la boleh bla la.

And he stop chasing la I sedih jugak la tapi takpe la maybe wrong time la ada jodoh ada la.

       So untuk mengubati hati yang lara ini aku start belajar handlettering, here's the entry if you wanna read 👉 clickbait . It does help me to change my focus, instead of 24/7 wondering whyyyyyyyy my (almost) relationship didn't work out whyyyyy tak lawa ke aku ni tak cukup kelakar ke aku ni, I start to wonder WHY AM I SO TALENTLESS SMH FML. Tapi lepastu jangan down pulak, usaha lagi to make yourself better! Lepastu hmm cara aku berfikir pun dah berubah jugaklah somehow, dah jadi makin positif, mungkin berkat selalu cari positive quotes untuk di-handletter-kan hahaha. Since I'm not the one who reti nak make up, nak berfesyen tu minat je tapi duit takde, so aku macam takde passion on anything. So macam nak release stress dengan shopping pun, tak tahu nak shopping apa. Tapi sejak berjinak (sumpah aku tertypo berjimak tadi astaghfirullah!!) dengan handlettering ni, rasa seronok walaupun masuk Mydin tengok section watercolour. Walaupun dah ada, tak beli pun, tapi rasa macam satu kepuasan and happy tengok benda-benda tu semua. Ala korang faham kan maksud aku? Ke tak faham? Buat-buat la faham okay sapot lokal #tetiba.

       AND!!! Pencapaian yang boleh kata terbesar aku tahun ini ialah jeng jeng jeng, I SUCCESSFULLY DID BULLET JOURNALING! It's my first time, and sumpah dari January sampai May, bujo aku noob gila hahahaha. Strating from June onwards barulah boleh dikatakan membanggakan lah bujo aku tu hahaha. Best tau buat bullet journal, ni pun antara benda yang distract aku daripada heartbreak. It's one of the way I release my stress too, walaupun kalau nak ikutkan stress apalah sangat aku ni belajar pun main-main hahahaha. It's the charm of doing something you love, I guess. Penat mana pun kalau buat benda yang kita suka daripada nak tidur tak jadi tidur. I'm happy because I finally found something that makes me happy. Nanti, tak tahu lah bila, but nanti, I might do an entry on how to bujo, but in a cheap way, for a cheapskate. (vocab credit from Amelynn lol).

Okay so what I benefit from bujo-ing this whole year is first, release stress. Second, rasa cam ada life hahaha. Third, you can write down memorable things you did! I mean, yeah of course you have blog and all tapi alaa blog takes too much time, for me la. Seronok tauuu bila kawan kau cam throwback balik something yang korang buat sama-sama and kau actually boleh selak balik kau punya bujo and have the exact date when it happened. Kena cuba rasa that feeling- sooooo satisfying rasa cam oh tersusunnya hidup ini hahaha. Forthly, lebih organized. I wrote down my to-do list, checked apa yang dah buat apa yang belum, apa yang nak beli, harga dia berapa lepas survey dekat situ, sini, then compare. Fifth, satisfying- sebab kau boleh decorate each page tu dengan apa theme kau suka. Nak theme pastel ke black & white ke nak theme Go Green pun boleh. Best laaaaaaa faham kan best? Hahahaha.

 And in my opinion bujo does help to improve my mental health, sebab it kind of like a diary for me sebab instead of planning, aku lebih kepada jot down apa aku dah buat, apa aku rasa. Macam, kalau kau bengang dengan someone ke kau tulis je dalam bujo tu. Nak certa dekat orang aku faham sekarang ni banyak backstabber, ramai tak boleh dipercayai and so on, so daripada kau simpan, baik kau luahkan dekat bujo kau. Tak kisah la nak buat bentuk point ke peta minda ke essay ke, as long as you let things go. Also helps you daripada simpan dendam. And kalau perempuan kan katakan la that day pakwe kau main game sampai tak layan kau, haa tulis dalam bujo nanti 10 tahun akan datang kau ungkit. "You ingat tak dulu 15 May 2017 you tak reply whatsapp I 3 jam sebab main game?" Kalau dia tanya mana bukti, haa kau ada bukti. Pastu suruh dia belanja makan okay hahahaha. Berguna tak berguna bujo ni? 😂

        So, basically, that was my 2017. It was about how I break, and how I found myself again- but a better version. Doesn't matter how many new things you tried, how many new people you meet, how many times you cried, even with the tiniest thing changed about you, as long as it makes you a better you, then it's alright. Your progress might be different from others', your way of fixing the broken you may be different from me, but as long as you're healed, you're happy with yourself, then you should be proud. Don't be too hard on yourself, take your time, don't mind your pace but what matters is you keep moving forward. And yang paling penting, REALIZE YOUR SELF WORTH PLEASE tu je mami mintak 😭

        Let's hope for a delightful 2018. Even if it'll be hard, let's have strength to overcome every obstacle!!! Happy new year everyone, thank you for reading my 'ugh' blog, yang bahasa rojak melayu english rempitz ni hahaha. Thank you for everything! Comments dari korang semua warga blogger pun banyak buat aku happy, serius. Cayunk u guys so much 💓

Hopefully 2018 Zahidah dah boleh la tinggalkan bahasa rempitz hahaha.

Thank you 2017, you'll be remembered :')

Bye, Assalamualaikum 😊

And I'm 20 next year like seriously??!?!?!?!?!?!!!!?!