Kompleks Sukan, UTeM, Melaka | 27 April 2018

Assalamualaikum!
Is it too late to wish Happy Fasting to everyone? Hehehe selamat berpuasa semua!! May our Ramadhan this year is filled with barakah and may we all get to use this chance to strengthen our iman and stay istiqamah to do the ibadah. Amiin!!

       I've been wanting to write on this topic for quite a few times, but my laziness got in between so,,,, yeah hahaha. What makes me want to write on this topic again is because recently UPU result for SPM leavers came out, and I've been seeing tweets regarding the results they get- which, reminds me of this repetitive story on how I ended up taking Diploma in ICT in UTeM.

       I told this story to basically everyone close to me. This course is my 11th choice out of 12 given. Itu pun, aku actually letak ICT ni sebab ni macam course yang aku boleh bawak kot compared to science-related course like engineering, etc although I was a science stream student. My original ambition was to be an English teacher as I love the subject and my sister is an English teacher too so watching her kinda inspire me. But then last minute suddenly I nak jadi cikgu tadika. I pun tak tahu kenapa 😂 So basically, I was contemplating between those two lah. So my UPU application focused on those two, and selebihnya yang nak isi ruang-ruang kosong tu, I filled in with ICT-related course. Oh, ada jugak selit course masscomm for fun, went to the interview but I didn't do well so I didn't put my hope high. Although I am very interested to pursue in masscomm just because the campus is in Melaka.

       Even with no high hope, I did think of the possibility of me passing that interview kan so I sukalah kalau dapat belajar dekat Melaka sebab I lived in Johor, born there, grow up there, until I was 14 before I moved to Kuantan. My point is, while I'm in Johor, my family always go to Melaka so I thought that it would be nostalgic to go back to Melaka to study. Long story short, when the UPU result came out, I was so confused because I don't even remember applying for Diploma in ICT?!?!?! And then it hits me, "Oh, ni course aku letak nak isi tempat kosong tu,". But I think I am not as disappointed considering the fact that being a teacher is the only profession I ever dreamed of when I was 15-17 years old. I'm more 'okay' than I thought with what I get. Turns out there's a lot of my classmate who didn't even get any offer for UPU so I'm even more thankful to get one. Although I have no idea where this course will take me in the future, I'm happy with the fact that it's in Melaka!

       3 years of diploma, it wasn't my best performance I would say. I think I can do better if I try harder, but, it was bearable and survivable, thanks to my family and friends. And along the way of learning a course I truly had no pure intention of getting accepted, along the way of learning the "fill-in-the-UPU-blank" course, I found what I truly want to do for life.

       I've always known this- I am a bad teacher. I can't express what I understand in a way that can help others to understand. Even in high school, I'm not the kind of student that you can refer to or ask questions because I honestly, don't know. I think I understand, but I'm always not sure enough to teach others. But by studying before exam, I ended up scoring my exam fairly well. I am aware at the fact that I can't teach for anyone's sake, but I was in denial. Because at that time I only see 'teacher' as my ambition. My world at that time was so so small, so I was stuck there. And somehow, I also realize that I'm bad with kids. I, honestly, only like kind kids hahaha. I don't like the annoying ones. I'm quite hot-tempered too. So, along the 3 years of learning this leftover course, along the 3 years of finding what I think I have passion in, I realize that I am truly not made for my previous ambitions.

        Now, here is where the dependence part comes on. That was a looong intro, right? Hahahaha. So as I've mention a looot of time in my previous post, I decided to take a break after diploma and apply for UPU instead for degree. It's a lie if I say I don't feel anything seeing my friends and batchmates pursuing for their degree already. Okay, a little promo for my boys, there's 2 songs that give me a lot of strength- My Pace and Grow Up by Stray Kids. Do check them out on Youtube hehehehe. Check the lyrics, it fits well with my concern so I really relate a lot to it. Moving on, I filled in the UPU application with what I want to pursue, all of them are ICT-related. 18 years-old me would be shook if she know this hahahaha. I do stress and think a lot in choosing the option but this time I'm more concerned on the location instead. Either close to home or close to my other friends 😂 I prioritize home though because I only have one option for that. Anyways, after sending the application, I feel at ease. I don't have an exact wish on my UPU result, I just hope I get one, anywhere, I don't feel like it matters anymore.

Because I've seen it- I've seen how God gives me the 11th choice out of 12 that I had, and that choice ended up making me discover myself. Makes me realizes that what you want doesn't necessarily be the best for you, and what you don't want doesn't necessarily mean it's bad for you. I've seen how God gives me what the best for me, so this time, too, I'll depend on Him. I know, He knows the best.

       The dependence leads to the sense of security. Even if didn't get my first choice or any choice at all, I know, I'm sure, I believe, I will find the hikmah sooner or later. Cliche, but there's always a reason behind why something happen. I'm not saying I'm always happy during my 3 years of diploma. I had my fair share of breakdowns too, especially the last two semesters. So what I mean by the best is not the-always-sunshine-and-rainbow kind of best, it's the I-went-through-a-lot-and-from-it-I-also-learnt-a-lot kind of best. So, whatever you're going through in life, believe me, you will be thankful of it, sooner or later.

So that's all I guess. Assalamualaikum 😊

“Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.” (QS. Al Baqarah: 216)