Personal | To conclude my 2017...

Personal


Assalamualaikum and Hi!
It's been a while on here, and I MISS BLOGGING SO MUCH! Acah je hahahaha. Rasa macam sem ni tak se-hectic sem lepas, a few subjek habis kelas awal, tapi macam tak pernah ada masa nak betul-betul duduk and blogging. Rasanya sebab sem ni semua benda lebih tersusun, macam sem-sem lepas, tengah-tengah sem tak busy, tapi minggu 13-14 tu busy nak mamp0s. Meanwhile sem ni by week 13 almost every quiz, labtest dah settle, tinggal ada satu subjek je kot camtu tak settle. Tak kisahlah semua tu kan, yang penting sem ni aku banyak gila tidur hahahaha.

       Masa untuk ayat cliche, sedar tak sedar,pejam celik pejam celik, dah nak masuk 2018. Seriously, kalau tanya aku sekali imbas apa aku dah buat tahun ni, aku pun tak tahulah. Oleh itu (cewah), dengan adanya entry ni, aku nak imbas berkali-kali apa yang aku buat tahun ni.

       First of all, 2017 has been such a hell of roller coaster ride, and I'm not even kidding. 2017 is definitely a year to remember as it has re-shape me as a person. It has also been a year of lessons. I do learn lots of lesson and it does affect me which something that I'm glad because it means aku dah realize lah kan apa salah silap aku, and in a way I'm trying my best to improve as a person. So, this year... Hmmm, got my heart broken (for the first time evah), and then broke someone's heart(lol), and currently signing up myself for another heartbreak hahaha. Tak serik tu, tapi I've been more careful this time, and lesson learnt- do not put your hope too high on anything, and anyone. Ni ayat berkias. Ayat direct straight to the point nya KO JANGAN CAYE LAKI SWEET TALKER NI YE YE PANGGIL SAYANG LAYAN BAIK TAPI LAST LAST HARAPAN PALSU KO BOLEH GI TERJUN TASIK UTeM!!

Hahahahaha gurau je.

       This year, I've lost a very dear friend of mine, arwah Wahida, and a very close uncle, arwah Pakndak. It hits me real hard, to be honest, especially arwah Wahida. Seminggu lepas pemergian dia pun I still cry at night. I can't believe I'm already at the age of losing a friend of the same age, and I just can't believe she's... not here anymore. Masa tu aku tengah cuti sem, tak sempat nak tengok muka dia for the last time, tapi Alhamdulillah dapat hantar dia till the very last moment. She's such a nice friend, sumpah. I've said this on twitter, tapi aku selalu kacau dia, tenung je dia sampai dia sorok muka guna literally everything dia boleh capai, pastu dia je kata muka aku macam Song Jihyo ahahahahahahahahahahhaha hmm, lepas tu dia selalu seronok kalau Shida tak datang so dia boleh duduk sebelah aku. And a lot more memories that I don't even realize we actually shared quite a lot together. But she's in a better place now, no more pain for her and it does make me feel better at that thought. Kita pun entah bila tiba masanya kan? Al Fatihah, Nurul Wahida binti Zainal.

      Arwah Pakndak pulak, God, he's really a good guy. Which is probably why Allah takes them first. Pakcik yang paling rapat belah ayah aku, dia la yang memang rapat sangat since kecik lagi. Dia panggil aku 'beliau' sebab siapa baca majalah Ujang dia tahu lah ada sekor lembu ni dipanggil 'beliau' so he basically calls me a cow hahahaha. Lepastu dia berniaga burger dekat pasar malam, jual RM1 je. AND coconut shake dia sedap gilaaaaa!! Kalah Melaka punya Klebang ke, Batu Berendam ke, nothing can top his coconut shake! Dah lama tak rasa, dah bertahun dah. And dah takkan dapat rasa dah lepasni :')  AND NASI BERIANI DIA TERBAIK WA CAKAP LU. Lapar pulak hmm. Oh and selain tu sejak aku belajar dekat Melaka dia selalu la asal jumpa aku je sebut "merecik hawau" hahahaha. Hmm, rindu sangat. Sangat. Minta jasa baik korang doakan untuk 3 orang anak dan balu arwah, doakan mereka dipermudahkan urusan dan dimurahkan rezeki ya. Terima kasih sangat-sangat. Al Fatihah, Mokhtar bin Abd Majid.

      On the other note, I'm also proud of myself on quite a few things I did this year. First of all, ok ingat tak heartbreak tu sorry la asyik mention je, IT WAS MY FIRST HEARTBREAK uwu poor my weak heart. Okay actually la I break my own heart even before it gets broken hahahaha. Sebelum orang tinggalkan aku baik aku yang tinggalkan dia supaya ada lagi secebis maruah seorang Zahidah yang egois yang berjaya diselamatkan. Of course la after I noticed the other side cam hmmm tak ada effort pun, maka kita kena sedar diri ya anak-anak. Orang tak nak takpe, takyah terhegeh-hegeh! Walaupun dia cam perfect, I like everything about him huhu. BUT! Remember this, S-E-L-F W-O-R-T-H. He, or she might worth it, but darling YOU WORTH MORE. Ingat tu.

So I left him la and he comes back cari me after some time la and I tunjuk tak berminat la boleh bla la.

And he stop chasing la I sedih jugak la tapi takpe la maybe wrong time la ada jodoh ada la.

       So untuk mengubati hati yang lara ini aku start belajar handlettering, here's the entry if you wanna read 👉 clickbait . It does help me to change my focus, instead of 24/7 wondering whyyyyyyyy my (almost) relationship didn't work out whyyyyy tak lawa ke aku ni tak cukup kelakar ke aku ni, I start to wonder WHY AM I SO TALENTLESS SMH FML. Tapi lepastu jangan down pulak, usaha lagi to make yourself better! Lepastu hmm cara aku berfikir pun dah berubah jugaklah somehow, dah jadi makin positif, mungkin berkat selalu cari positive quotes untuk di-handletter-kan hahaha. Since I'm not the one who reti nak make up, nak berfesyen tu minat je tapi duit takde, so aku macam takde passion on anything. So macam nak release stress dengan shopping pun, tak tahu nak shopping apa. Tapi sejak berjinak (sumpah aku tertypo berjimak tadi astaghfirullah!!) dengan handlettering ni, rasa seronok walaupun masuk Mydin tengok section watercolour. Walaupun dah ada, tak beli pun, tapi rasa macam satu kepuasan and happy tengok benda-benda tu semua. Ala korang faham kan maksud aku? Ke tak faham? Buat-buat la faham okay sapot lokal #tetiba.

       AND!!! Pencapaian yang boleh kata terbesar aku tahun ini ialah jeng jeng jeng, I SUCCESSFULLY DID BULLET JOURNALING! It's my first time, and sumpah dari January sampai May, bujo aku noob gila hahahaha. Strating from June onwards barulah boleh dikatakan membanggakan lah bujo aku tu hahaha. Best tau buat bullet journal, ni pun antara benda yang distract aku daripada heartbreak. It's one of the way I release my stress too, walaupun kalau nak ikutkan stress apalah sangat aku ni belajar pun main-main hahahaha. It's the charm of doing something you love, I guess. Penat mana pun kalau buat benda yang kita suka daripada nak tidur tak jadi tidur. I'm happy because I finally found something that makes me happy. Nanti, tak tahu lah bila, but nanti, I might do an entry on how to bujo, but in a cheap way, for a cheapskate. (vocab credit from Amelynn lol).

Okay so what I benefit from bujo-ing this whole year is first, release stress. Second, rasa cam ada life hahaha. Third, you can write down memorable things you did! I mean, yeah of course you have blog and all tapi alaa blog takes too much time, for me la. Seronok tauuu bila kawan kau cam throwback balik something yang korang buat sama-sama and kau actually boleh selak balik kau punya bujo and have the exact date when it happened. Kena cuba rasa that feeling- sooooo satisfying rasa cam oh tersusunnya hidup ini hahaha. Forthly, lebih organized. I wrote down my to-do list, checked apa yang dah buat apa yang belum, apa yang nak beli, harga dia berapa lepas survey dekat situ, sini, then compare. Fifth, satisfying- sebab kau boleh decorate each page tu dengan apa theme kau suka. Nak theme pastel ke black & white ke nak theme Go Green pun boleh. Best laaaaaaa faham kan best? Hahahaha.

 And in my opinion bujo does help to improve my mental health, sebab it kind of like a diary for me sebab instead of planning, aku lebih kepada jot down apa aku dah buat, apa aku rasa. Macam, kalau kau bengang dengan someone ke kau tulis je dalam bujo tu. Nak certa dekat orang aku faham sekarang ni banyak backstabber, ramai tak boleh dipercayai and so on, so daripada kau simpan, baik kau luahkan dekat bujo kau. Tak kisah la nak buat bentuk point ke peta minda ke essay ke, as long as you let things go. Also helps you daripada simpan dendam. And kalau perempuan kan katakan la that day pakwe kau main game sampai tak layan kau, haa tulis dalam bujo nanti 10 tahun akan datang kau ungkit. "You ingat tak dulu 15 May 2017 you tak reply whatsapp I 3 jam sebab main game?" Kalau dia tanya mana bukti, haa kau ada bukti. Pastu suruh dia belanja makan okay hahahaha. Berguna tak berguna bujo ni? 😂

        So, basically, that was my 2017. It was about how I break, and how I found myself again- but a better version. Doesn't matter how many new things you tried, how many new people you meet, how many times you cried, even with the tiniest thing changed about you, as long as it makes you a better you, then it's alright. Your progress might be different from others', your way of fixing the broken you may be different from me, but as long as you're healed, you're happy with yourself, then you should be proud. Don't be too hard on yourself, take your time, don't mind your pace but what matters is you keep moving forward. And yang paling penting, REALIZE YOUR SELF WORTH PLEASE tu je mami mintak 😭

        Let's hope for a delightful 2018. Even if it'll be hard, let's have strength to overcome every obstacle!!! Happy new year everyone, thank you for reading my 'ugh' blog, yang bahasa rojak melayu english rempitz ni hahaha. Thank you for everything! Comments dari korang semua warga blogger pun banyak buat aku happy, serius. Cayunk u guys so much 💓

Hopefully 2018 Zahidah dah boleh la tinggalkan bahasa rempitz hahaha.

Thank you 2017, you'll be remembered :')

Bye, Assalamualaikum 😊

And I'm 20 next year like seriously??!?!?!?!?!?!!!!?!

Movie Review | A Stray Goat/Nunbal

Extras


Assalamualaikum!
So, as the title, in this post I'm going to review a Korean movie entitled A Stray Goat. This movie came out April last year kalau tak silap. The main reason why I am watching is because the main actor is Park Jinyoung from GOT7 hehe. Walaupun dah lebih setahun released, aku baru macam tergerak hati and terasa ada mood nak tengok harini, so here I am. Actually, tak berniat pun nak tulis review, but ada a few messages in this movie yang aku rasa berbaloi kalau share. Before we start, this post contains SPOILER yang kaw piaw punya spoiler. I'll start off with the synopsis first, nanti bila dah masuk tang spoiler, aku letak spoiler alert, okay? This is my first time writing a review for a movie so please bear with my amateur review hahaha. So let's start with the movie poster first:


This is the link to the movie: Nunbal | Movie trigger warning: Bullies, lots of cursing, sexual assault

      The movie starts off with the main character, Cho Minsik, a priest's son, moving from Seoul to a rural village because his father is re-opening an abandoned church. There, he started to be friends with a few bad kids, who like to bully a girl named Yang Yejoo, because of her father was accused to kill one of the classmate's sister. Long story short, along the way, Minsik and Yejoo became friends, and even closer when Minsik showed her a stray goat that he found in the mountain.

I don't want to go in detail about what happens in  the movie, but what I'm gonna say first is, after watching this movie, the first thing that came in mind is literally "???????????????". Or at least that was how it was for me. Aku tenung skrin lama sikit, fikir-fikir kejap, barulah, "Oh..........." and it left me speechless, honestly. 

What I'm about to say after this contains light spoiler, but the message behind the scene was something worth the spoil. Ni, memang pada aku pengajaran paling besar dalam cerita ni.

      There's this one scene when Yejoo goes to the church to find Minsik after he was absent at school. Dia datang bawak kambing dia, naik bas, and even though pakcik bas tu marah sebab mana boleh bawak kambenk kan naik bas. Then sampai church tu, dia berhenti dekat satu lopak air ni. Aku legit ingat dia nak tengok reflection dia je, sekali, dia pijak lopak air tu, kaw kaw kotorkan kasut dia, then, she walked in the church. Masa tu orang dalam church tu tengah baca doa lah kan, dia jalan selamba je dengan kambing tu, bawak lumpur masuk church. Sampailah this one pakcik halau dia sebab ye lah, dahlah bawak masuk kambing, kotorkan pulak tu. Then she saw Minsik, hoping that he would say something, but Minsik buat-buat tak kenal je. (fuck u minsik)  Dah kena halau, Yejoo pun keluar lah. But then, she saw the same asshole pakcik dalam church, and instead of being embarassed of himself, he looked at Yejoo with the dirtiest look possible. (fuck u also pakcik)


This scene, is actually, very deep. The metaphor is just... mindblowing.

The goat represents as history of what had happened to Yejoo. She lost a very precious thing, but the bad history and memory remains with her everywhere she goes. What's done remained done. Remember the pakcik bas? Pakcik bas represents the public. Public will hate you because of your history, but what can you do? It's stuck with you forever. It's not like you can just leave it anywhere. 

The lopak air, represents as human's sins. Before Yejoo pijak lopak air tu, kasut dia bersih. Bila dia dah pijak, kasut dia kotor. Dia bawak dosa-dosa dia ke mana pun dia pergi.

Then she walked in the church, along with her bad history, bad memory, trauma, etc, along with the sins, but what did the people at church, who was supposed to be the "kind one" did? They looked at her with such judging looks, and chase her away from the church.

Is the church, or in our Malay culture lah, the mosque, or any religion place(?), religion house(?), is supposed to be for people who are religious only? Or, religious people kena kawan dengan religious people only? Yang ada dosa? Yang ada mistakes????

Disclaimer: aku tak kata semua orang alim berperangai begitu, tapi, walaupun sikit, ada tau golongan macam ni. Mana tahu terkena pulak dia baca post aku ni hehe. This is a note to myself too.

Ok tu je yang deepnya hehe.


---SPOILER ALERT---

Movie ni, sebenarnya, tergantung.  It has no definite ending. Ada ending, nanti aku cerita pasal ending dia, tapi ending tu tak semestinya ending. Faham kan? Ke tak? Seriously kalau korang tengok movie ni korang fahamlah maksud aku tu. After I finished watching the movie, I looked at what Jinyoung(who plays as Minsik) got to say about the movie and his character, and then I understand. I understand what the movie was about. 

       There's a lot of questions with no answer, honestly. In the earlier part of the movie, it was said that Minsik had to move to Goseong because he caused some trouble back then in Seoul. What he did, remains unknown until the end of the movie. Which I think means that we don't always know what happens in other people's live, what they've been through etc. Yejoo's father was accused as a killer, and there was this one part where he denied it when he was asked, but there was no final result, whether he really killed the victim or not. And also, the ending, which I said isn't definite. Yejoo was absent at school so Minsik was kind-of looking for her, but she was nowhere to be found. While walking, Minsik came across the stray goat that both he and Yejoo cherish a lot, but the goat was alone. Minsik chased for it, but he stumbled and fell down a few times, until the last time he fell, he just gave up and lay down, staring at the cloud, crying, until the snow came down. And that's it. The indefinite ending. We won't know if Minsik ever got up and chase again, if he found Yejoo, if he ever apologize to her, if he ever ended up with any relationship with her, no. We don't know what happens to Yejoo either. The ending is Minsik laying down, crying, what I see as regretting, and that's it.

Now, I'm about to elaborate on the climax of the story. Korang mesti curious kan kenapa Minsik ada rasa menyesal? Why did I mentioned if Minsik ever apologize to Yejoo? 

       Long story short, adalah sorang pakcik ni dia claim anak kambing yang Minsik dengan Yejoo jumpa tu dia punya kambing. Yejoo didn't want to let the goat go, so Minsik made a promise to the pakcik that he will buy the goat instead. But he got no money lorh this stupid boy 😑 Janji nak bagi duit the next day pulak tu eyyy bodoh ke? Haa marah ni marah. But he got the money. How? You watch sendiri la hahaha. He got the money, then the money got stolen pulak dah satu hal, and while dia pergi lawan-lawan nak ambik duit tu semula, Yejoo go to meet this pakcik alone. Yejoo still refuse to give the goat, so that pakcik mengamuk lah sebab dah lah duit takde, kambing kau nak. Banyak cantik muka kau? So pakcik tu pukul-pukul Yejoo, and then the pakcik being his asshole self, he raped Yejoo. THIS IS WHERE I GOT SO EMO LAH SEBAB MINSIK THEN DATANG LARI-LARI AND MASA TU PAKCIK TU DAH SIAP HIS DIRTY BUSINESS WITH YEJOO(it wasn't showed in detail don't worry) TAPI KIRANYA MINSIK TU TAHULAH KAN YEJOO TU KENA RAPE, PASTU, PASTU, PASTU, DIA BOLEH BLAH??????? WTF???? BRUH?????

This is why I have trust issue with good looking guys. Mesti, adaaaaa je yang tak kena. Aku cuba lah husnudzon ok mungkin dia gi panggil polis ke, orang lain ke nak mintak tolong kan? But no. He didn't come back...

The saddest thing is, Yejoo saw him running away 😭

Yejoo get the goat, but she lost her dignity. She went to school the next day, bringing the goat along. Of course lah she gets bullied and called names for it, but she didn't care enough. Lagi sedih, Minsik was absent that day.

After that, the scene yang Yejoo pergi church tu happened. 
Remember how Minsik only saw the goat alone, but without Yejoo? Like I said earlier, the goat symbolizes what happened to Yejoo. Minsik saw the goat because he actually knows. He'll be haunted with the regret, probably forever. Even when Yejoo is not there anymore. Anything could've happened to Yejoo, either she ran away, or no longer alive, but the history, what happened, what Minsik witnessed, happened, and nothing could change that fact.

After I finished watching, of course lah I couldn't help but to wonder why didn't Minsik say anything, do anything when he saw what happened to Yejoo and afterwards. The actor, Jinyoung himself pun kata dia tak puas hati kenapa character dia tak macam hero-hero filem yang lain. The answer, kinda blows my mind. Below is an interview with Jinyoung:

---END OF SPOILER---


There's also other messages in the story, that I'd like you to experience watching it by yourself, experience that "Oh........." moment when you finally understand. 

My comment about this movie is, this is a movie with an ordinary story, with ordinary characters, and ordinary ending, but still an amazing movie, nevertheless. 

It's realistic. No fairy tale kind of stuffs. Hero or not, in the end of the day, an ordinary human being has both strength and weaknesses. 

If you ask me to rate, 7.5/10 for storyline, 100/10 for the messages and uniqueness. Tapi perlu sel-sel otak berhubung lebih sikit lah sebab deep 😂

Okay, that's all kot yang I have to say about this movie. Sorry if my review is bad, berterabur ke apa ke. Sorry for the extreme rojak-ness ahahahaha that's just how I write. Some things are more comfortable written in english, while some in malay. Another review that I suggest you to read is here (but this one really contains lots of spoiler as it elaborate most scene in detail, so don't read if you're planning to watch the movie first!) 

Bye, Assalamualaikum 😊

17/10/17 😳💓

Personal | The Tangan Kayu Girl Tried Handlettering

Experience



Assalamualaikum!
Sebelum aku mulakan entry ni, nak cakap, awkward pulak nak menaip sebab dah lama tinggal blog ahahaha. Ampun maaf pada yang melawat blog ni tapi terpaksa menghadap post yang dah berkarat. Sebenarnya dah lama dah nak post entry ni tapi tahap kemalasan nak ambik gambar, edit, dan upload tu sangaaaaatlah tinggi.

     Sepanjang cuti sem 3 bulan ni, dengan bangganya aku nak bagitahu bahawa aku basically tak buat apape yang berfaedah pun. Rutin yang sama je tiap-tiap hari. Cuma, sejak-sejak cuti ni, aku try buat handlettering!! Dah lama dah nak cuba, I've tried it before tapi buruk nokharom pastu give up. Ni lepas tengok one of my coursemate, Amelynn post story dekat Instagram, aku pun tetiberrrr semangat nak buat jugak. Excited gila beli brush- Pentel Aquash Water Brush, harga RM 10.40 boleh jumpa kat Popular. Siap beli sketchbook, watercolour guna adik punya je jenama Buncho sebab nak beli cam membazir entah jadi entah tak kan. Tapi best la masa usha-usha barang tu dengan adik, dia memang minat benda-benda berkaitan art ni, so dia pun excited sekali masa nak membeli. So balik terus try guna brush, ni, masa memula aku try guna, tak tengok video ke apa ke:

*istighfar banyak-banyak sebab buruk sangat*

Yang bebanyak Aina tu adik aku yang tulis sebab dia obses dengan diri dia sendiri.
Ni pulak lepas try tiru-tiru contoh kat gugel:


Konon masa ni dah lawa sangat dah ni hahaha dah terbayang boleh buat duit. Istighfar lagi sekali.

But seriously, handlettering is a lot more fun than I expected. Walaupun stress sebab tak reti sangat nak guna berus, and like I said dekat title tu, aku ni tangan kayu orangnya. Tapi aku minat art, cuma cam emmmm takde bakat hahaha. Lepastu adalah tiru-tiru quotes dekat google, weheartit, and these are the progress:

 Quote tiru. Ni buat masa first day belajar handlettering lol

Quote tiru 2.0

This one sesaje ceconteng, tapi lowkey nak jugak buat nampak cantik hahaha. 

Ugh sorry this one is so low quality. Youngjae's favourite quote and his nickname 💖

 Song lyrics 💖 Nervous gila buat ni sebab takut spoil background dah lawa (lah jugak). Lama kot nak tunggu kering tu hahaha.

this one in goes in my bullet journal 💖

 Song lyrics again. I just love this lyric so why not hahaha. Getting Wet by Beenzino.

 Ni antara yang latest tapiiii buruk af sebab tangan gigil. Bila nak buat yang serious, yang bajet-bajet macam kalau jadi nak post kat instagram, mestiiiiiii tangan gigil gila. And mulalah semua huruf tak jadi. 

Ni yang paling latest, untuk birthday Nazeera, 3/9/2017. Honestly hmmm bangga lah jugak dengan yang ni hahaha. Glitter-glitter tu guna Art Rangers Glitter Tempera Paint, beli kat Mr. DIY harga RM 2.90 ke 3.90, tak ingat hehe. 

Tu a few yang sedap mata memandang, yang selebihnya.... Istighfar banyak-banyak lagi. Hahaha. The point of this post is bukan nak kata aku buat handlettering ni lawa, just nak share the progress from buruk nak mampus, and sekarang boleh la kan, ada la jugak rupa walaupun still tangan gigil hahaha. And ni jugak untuk rujukan akan datang, mana tahu nanti gambar hilang ke, nak kena delete ke, at least dalam blog dah ada.

       Now, kumpul duit, berjimat cermat nak beli better brush, watercolours. Benda-benda ni semua nak kata murah, tak jugak. Nak jadi cantik mahal, nak jadi berseni pun mahal, and lagi parah bila nak jadi dua-dua pada masa yang sama 😂 

       Lastly, nak kata, kalau korang ada teringin nak belajar or buat something, go for it! Start now! Cantik ke, jadi ke, tak penting, yang penting bila dah cuba tu puas hati. Jangan expect terus perfect, and jangan cepat sangat give up tau! Mula slow-slow, at that one point walaupun belum sampai level perfect, bila you tengok balik your progress and improvement, rasa puas hati sangat. Rasa macam wow bangga and sayangnya diri sendiri 💞 

Ok tu je. Bye.
Assalamualaikum 😊

Cuti dah nak habis *nangis dekat bucu bilik*